Writer - Artistic Photographer - Artist
RaevenousOne
I share my journey of healing and creating through words and artistic photography.
This space is about stillness, resilience, and becoming.
Welcome!
My name is Michelle.
I am a gypsy at heart, always searching for a place to call home. I love to travel; to explore the world and different cultures; immersing myself in a new world. Born into a life of addiction, I am determined to fight my way out and find out who I am. I am passionate, real, and write with emotion as I share my life experiences with those who can identify with my struggles.
I am a survivor of generational abuse; the product of a young teenage mother whom fell in love and married an abusive addict. A life of addiction, abuse, and mental illness, was not the life I ordered. Raised in a dysfunctional family where abuse was a daily occurrence, my only goal in life was to break the cycle of abuse. I was naïve in thinking this would be easy. It has been the most challenging and difficult process of my life.
I struggle everyday to not fall back into old patterns. It’s a challenge because I was an addict. I’ve been addicted to many things – coffee, smoking, relationships, sex, caffeine, drugs – the list goes on. I battle the unseen, the anxiety, depression, self-doubt, insecurities, hesitation, perfectionism – the list goes on.
I have an innate desire to learn all I can about life - about breaking the cycle of inter-generational family dysfunction and abuse with knowledge, understanding, compassion, and love. My passion is sharing this knowledge, through my stories and experiences, with others in hopes of shedding light on mental illness, addiction, love, and faith in the unknown.
RaevenousOne
rae• ven • us • one (adjective)
- extreme, intense, insatiable hunger
- seeking satisfaction & gratification in all areas of life
- deep craving to experience life, despite the circumstances
About
I am a believer in the unknown. I try to follow my intuition, my inner guide, and my passions in life. I was raised Roman Catholic but do not identify with one particular religion or belief system. I have faith in a power greater than my own because I have seen evil in both human and spiritual form and experienced miracles which cannot be explained by logic.
This blog was created in hopes of helping others heal the wounds of abuse and explore life after abuse. What is abuse? Abuse is the improper use of something, misuse, for wrong purposes, often considered cruel and violent but that's not always the case. According to Dr. Phil, there are five different types of abuse: physical, emotional/verbal, sexual, digital (this one is new to me), and financial. Generational family abuse is some form of abuse carried down from previous generations, effecting your life.
I confront social norms, stereotypes, cultural and lifestyle differences with perspective. Healing begins when we can look at the abuse, or mistreatment of another (or ourselves), from a different perspective. This takes time and practice. I'm still learning my way through this one. I am not healed - I'm broken.
You can’t treat a symptom without confronting the cause.
Adult children of generational family abuse continue to live the cycle of abuse at some level, without professional help.
Moving out of the family house at eighteen, I thought my life would be different because I knew what I didn’t want – I didn’t want to turn out like my parents. I didn’t want that kind of life for my children, my family. The first time I recognized we were just like our parents it scared the hell out of me but I didn’t know what to do, where to turn for help. As a young struggling mother at twenty-one, I sought help from a therapist. I was an active meth addict and I knew if I didn’t find help, I would lose my daughter. Everyone in my life at that time was in active addiction. I was up against the world.
THIS WAS NOT THE LIFE I ORDERED!
Learning was my coping mechanism throughout childhood; it helped me survive. After many years of therapy, family therapy, and family falling apart time and time again, I decided to learn about the cycle of abuse, mental illness, and addiction. So, I enrolled at the University of Phoenix online program in 2009 to study psychology; specifically to learn how to stop the madness I was living and how to heal my family. I was the only individual in class who has lived in the cycle of abuse. I also began a group in Circle of Moms as a way to connect with others with similar experiences. Sharing my stories with others increased my self-esteem and drove my passion to share my story with others.
I invite you to walk beside me as I learn how to find myself in this thing we call life. Although each person walks his or her own path in life, we are not alone. Some paths, I believe, are meant to cross, others paths may cross briefly or some may walk alongside another never to cross paths but are meant to develop new tools along the way to create change. I hope you find peace in knowing you are not alone in your journey.