Characteristic Traits

A dispositional trait I have is neuroticism.

In the neurotic category, I can be worrying, high-strung, and insecure, at times. At other times, I can be calm, relaxed, and secure.

I worry because I cannot control everything I want when I want; high-strung because I try to take on too much at one time; and insecure because I worry that things are not going to go as I planned or the way I want and then I become high-strung. It is a vicious circle; when it gets started, it becomes difficult to stop.

My neurotic dispositional trait can be linked to characteristic adaptations such as cognition and personality. I believe a man should be in charge, taking care of everything so the woman doesn’t have to worry about anything. However, I take charge and when I am not in control, I start to worry, and become neurotic. Underscoring my values, beliefs, and cognitive styles; I take control of my life so I can only blame myself and no one else.

Developmentally, I look back at my childhood and see my step-father being the one in control. I did not like him being in so much control, it was his way or no way. I could never do good enough for him. He caused much of the chaos in the house, yelling, screaming, hitting, etc. He was not what I wanted in my future!

My motivation for control is that I control my life. If I were to fail, I can only blame myself. The control in my life also gives me piece of mind. The control helps me become responsible for my future. I push myself for the best because, I was not good enough for my step-father, I could do nothing right. I can finally choose what I want. He always told me that I would never go back to school. His negativity pushed me to control my own future by the desire to prove him wrong.

I also have the motivation to change. I do not like worrying or being irritable. I take steps to relax, stay calm, and secure. Caring for myself helps me to remind myself that I am only human and can do so much. I need to care for me so I can care for others. Taking care of myself allows me to control other, more positive aspects of my life. I am then able to let others help me so I do not have to control everything. That, in itself, is relaxing.