Personal Narrative

My purpose in life was never really clear to me, but I know to follow God’s path for me and that He would guide my way to where I was supposed to be and why. Within the past five years I have been through the weakest, most difficult times and the strongest, most memorable times in my life. When I look back at those years, I can see I was in the individualistic stage of my life. According to Axia College (2001), “The ego develops a greater tolerance for the individuality of others and a greater awareness of the conflict between heightened individuality and increased emotional dependence.” It has been decision making time, time to look at myself at where I want to be in life and what I need to do to get there. I have to see my part in the situations and what I can do to change things. If I really believe that God sent me my husband, I can work through anything. At my lowest points in life, feeling complete shame, loss, and failure, I seek God, asking for help, and waiting for Him to answer by showing me what I need to do.

Authoritarian Personality

I was always seen as the responsible one, the one who did everything right, the scapegoat of the family, and the ‘goody-goody’ in my social life. My mother is co-dependent and my step-father, an alcoholic, abusive, man. Although I have been in situations I would rather not have, they have given me the tools to search deep within myself of what I want out of life and what direction I want to take my life in. I knew I did not want to turn out like my parents; struggling, fighting and unhappy with their life. I had to be the strong one, taking responsibility for many adult situations although I was only a child. I had to fight past my fears, rely on God to get me through the scary and unnerving situations no child should have to live through. This strength in my childhood led to a desire in my adulthood to not have to be responsible, strong, or worried. When similar situations started to occur in my relationship with my husband, I wanted to get as far away from that as possible. However, what I am learning is that sometimes we have to be strong for each other when the other is weak. When I am weak, my husband is strong; when I am strong, my husband is weak. We balance each other out and learn from each other so we can achieve our success together.

Absolute Continuity versus Differential Continuity

According to Axia College (2011), “Utilitarians advocated equality for all, women’s suffrage, abolition of discrimination on the basis of religion and race, and redistribution of society’s wealth (Russell, 1945).” I witnessed my mother and sister get beat by my step-father and I wanted to find someone who would treat me equally, who would love me unconditionally, and who had similar beliefs as I do, seeking the same from life. I found what I was searching for by a deep faith in spirituality at a young age. I had to believe in something great, something good in life. So I believe in a God who is helping me during the toughest times, along the way to success with a partner who can support, love, and understand me for who I am.

Human Motivation

I am on the path of finding myself. From a very young age I knew I had a purpose in this life. I will understand my purpose in life as I go along in this world. I will continue to learn from my past and create a vision for my future that I desire. “The highest level of self is aligning everything from independence to interdependence and intimacy to self-sufficiency together to ‘coordinate one’s own identity over a lifetime, with those of others and with cultural values, so as to form a meaningful whole’ (Axia College, 2011, para. 8)”. I view every situation as a learning tool to change, progress, and grow through each stage in my life. Although I may evolve from one stage to the next, I still repeat the process of learning years later, in my desire to discover my identity and why I am here. Accepting where I am going and where I have been in life allows me to continue to grow, change and fully live my life.

My mother was a strong woman who put up with a great deal of trauma in her life. After time, this trauma affected her in ways I could have ever imagined. I do not want to follow in her path so I look back to my past so I do not repeat the same mistakes she did. I want to make a change within my relationships with my husband and children. I can make changes to how reciprocal Interactionism works in my relationships. Changing the reciprocal interactionism in my relationships will then change the mechanistic interactionism in relationships. Basically, changing one aspect of the interaction will change another aspect.

Reciprocal Interactionism

According to Axia college, “While mechanistic interactionism partitions the variance in behavior into that accounted for by persons, situations, and their interactions, reciprocal interactionism conceives of a more fluid and complex pattern in which person, situation, and behavior continually and reciprocally influence another (Endler, 1983).” Making changes alone cannot guarantee I will not end up like her but also envisioning the future I desire can bring changes. Because the person, situation, and behavior interact and influence each other, I can behave differently than my mother did and make the positive changes in my life to reflect the outcome I desire. For instance, I can change the way I behave in a particular situation with my husband or children; this behavior will change the interaction and how they interpret the situation. If I envision all the roadblocks that could be standing my way, I spend my energy focusing on ways to stop that from happening. Instead, I focus on my future, dealing with roadblocks as they come along. I focus on the good of life because of my upbringing, religion, and gender.

Self-Guides and Religion

Having a positive aspect on life, even though my childhood was filled with disappointment, pain, and fear, comes from my strong faith and determination in something greater than humankind. Religion was something I was told we did; my entire family was Catholic and this religion was passed down from previous generations. I was not able to search for my own belief or religion, so I dug deep inside to find something positive about religion. I learned faith in the great unknown spiritual world. I took my problems in life and gave them up to God because I knew that I, alone, could not change the situation at that time.

I gained strength from my self-guide. “Discrepancies between actual and ought self-guides are associated with anxiety while discrepancies between actual and ideal self-guides are associated with depression” (Axia College, 2011, p.372). I knew what I wanted in life – unconditional love - trust, honesty, understanding, and compassion. These are the things religion has taught me. The foundation of any relationship is love. I have always loved life, am willing to fight for what I believe to be true, strive for the best in any situation, and have a strong faith. I wish I would have been strong enough to tell my mother that my step-father came in my room that night instead of me taking charge, and being responsible for myself. I could have made that her responsibility and maybe my daughter would have never been harmed by him. If I would not have put my children back into a situation I was in at their age, then he would not have the opportunity to hurt her.

Resources

Axia College (2001). Developmental Stages and Tasks. Jane Loevinger’s Theory of Ego Development. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Axia College, PSY/230 website.

Axia College. (2011). Five Basic Traits. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Axia College, PSY/230 website.

Axia College. (2011). Personality Traits: Fundamental Concepts and Issues. The Controversy Over Traits. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Axia College, PSY/230 website.

Axia College. (2011). Self and Other: Social-Cognitive Aspects of Personality. Social-Cognitive Theory and the Person. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Axia College, PSY/230 website.

Axia College (2011). Social Learning and Culture. Behaviorism and Social-Learning Theory. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Axia College, PSY/230 website.

Axia College. (2011). Stages of Ego Development paper, April 22, 2011. Retrieved April 30, 2011 from Stages of Ego Development paper.